June 29, 2011

Favorite Disney Prince Results

 Your favorite Disney prince has been crowned king (figurativly, because we know daddy isn't going to die anytime in the future...unless it's Mufasa...too soon?). The results were shocking, I could barely believe my eyes! Just kidding, I saw it coming from a mile away. I was pleasantly unsurprised. Anyways, I thought a healthy Pros and Cons (queue music from Jimmy Fallon) would kick things up a notch.

1. Prince Eric (The Little Mermaid): Of course. Ariel's eye candy takes the prize.

Pros: I won't deny he is very good looking. He has a nice smile and nice hair...very nice hair. He must use Horse n' Tail. I also like that he and his dog are such pals, nothing like male/dog bonding to make a woman's heart flutter...I guess. He is also the only one who ventures off land onto boats and stuff. He mingles with the commoners I suppose. For the most part, I'm guessing he got the female vote. He is a nice fellow but...

That awkward moment when the Prince realizes you
can't talk and therefore can't possibly be the OTHER ginger
he found on the beach.
Cons: ...HE IS SUCH A TOOL. First of all, he plays the flute. I have nothing against flute players, and think they make some sweet music, but it bothers me how he always plays it and stares off into the distance like some love sick puppy (even though he is one?) Then, he meets Ariel and has a love induced stroke because he thinks she's the one, and then when she can't talk, all he can say is "Oh shit, my bad. You're not her."

2. Aladdin (Aladdin): Dear anonymous, I'm sorry. Aladdin did not win. He came in second.

Pros: The kid shoots big, I'll give him that. Only "a diamond in the rough" riff raff/street rat wouldn't buy that...and would try to get with the princess. The thing about Aladdin is that he doesn't take back stage to the princess story...the movie is his story. Though not exactly a three dimensional character (what Disney character is?) he isn't the cardboard cutout of earlier princes either. He is a good guy but has faults, something that is probably more relatable than others. He also dresses tres chouette (very cool)! What other Disney guy wears MC Hammer pants and a vest with no shirt underneath? None. Because they can't touch this...outfit that he wears!

"I sense a hint of lavender, with a slight oakey flavor."

Cons: How they can magically change the law so Aladdin can become a prince is a fine example of plot settling. I suppose he was acting like "a prince" but it still makes you a little suspicious...or at least it does for me. But besides that, there isn't much wrong with Al. He can be kind of a douche at times, especially when the riches and fame go to his head. Is anyone else amused that his first two wishes are for himself, even though he of all people should be aware how much it sucks to be poor and hungry? Shouldn't he have wished for propserity among the poor?

Obviously not, fair readers! That would mess up the capitalistic society and feudal undertones that all Disney movies wish to convey...apparently. Man, I'm so tired of people writing web pages about how Disney is evil and teaches little kids class system and only rich people are attractive...blah, blah, blah...yet I still read them. They actually are pretty amusing and make sense...but STOP HATIN ON DISNEY! Give the guy a break, he just made movies. It wasn't like he was an anti semite or anything.............

All apart of the master plan? Nice glass of milk btw.

3. Prince Phillip (Sleeping Beauty): Nope, I'm not talking about the Queen's hubby (I hate that word)...because he would be numero uno, obviously.

Pros: I love Prince Phillip. He is without a doubt, my favorite Prince. If I was a cartoon, he would be my man all the way. Hell, if it wasn't weird that I have a crush on an animated figure, he would still be my man. Call me vanilla, but I find his classic good looks very princely and...well attractive. He also has my absolute favorite quote in any Disney movie: "Now, father, you're living in the past. This is the 14th century!" LOL! Why, I will never know. I just love this movie. Anyways, besides his looks and charms, he is still awesome. He kills a mofo dragon to be with his lady.

That hat is so 13th century

Cons: Wow. Unless I'm really picky, I can't find any. I guess it's just that he marries a girl because she is beautiful even though he barely knows her...and all that shit that we apparently are suppose to disaprove of. It's not like a prince is going marry some girl in the forest who he met through a sing along...EXACTLY. Point dissproved. Nothing wrong with him at all.

4. Prince Charming (Cinderella): The stalker takes fourth place. I'll tell you this, he is no Chad Michael Murray.

Pros: He will do what it takes to get his girl. You would think that after she dissapears he would use a saying I have heard over the years. I wise saying. A saying as old as time..."Girls are like buses. Another one comes around every ten minutes." But no. PC is going to find the girl with the glass slipper, dammit!

"These shoes rule."
Cons: So Prince Charming was in a princess movie back when the princes probably had a max of five lines, as well as uncreative names. You don't really see much of his personality... only that he REALLY REALLY wants to find Cinderella. It makes me curious. Does he have a drinking problem? Does he occasionally wet the bed? I feel like we don't know him at all. He probably was just looking for Cinderella so he could get the other glass slipper. Nothing says a manly prince like a matching pair of heels. Also, in the looks department, he is pretty ordinary. Nothing really to redeem him in my books.

The Beast (Beauty and the Beast): I feel bad that The Beast is second to last. Makes me pity him even more.

Pros: Well, one thing about The Beast is that he is wayyyyy more attractive than his human form (ladies, amirite?!?!). When he changes I always think "Ew change back! Change back!". I really think Disney could have done a better job at that. I mean, Belle managed to fall in love with him in that state, and when he FINALLY turns human it really doesn't seem like much of a trade up. I liked him as The Beast better. He had that whole "misunderstood creature" thing that I know in the past I said I dislike, but this is an exception.

Cons: Well besides the promotion of beastiality, there isn't much wrong with The Beast...ahhh who am I kidding? He probably is the one who needed the most work! Isn't the whole movie about Belle shaping him to be a civilized member of society? He has to work on his temper, his eating habits, and his compassion. He is so whipped.

Prince Charming (Snow White): Who?

Pros: He kissed a dead person. Some may call that deperate, but I call that romantic. Why else would Twilight be so popular? Ok, definitely not my best case. First beastiality and now necrophilia. Disney is one sick company. Anyways, Prince Charming does have a nice singing voice. He may be singing while he is creepin', but I still give him that. Ok. I realize now why he is last place. Does anyone else notice all my Pros are really just Cons in disguise?

"Oh...shit, your alive...uhm. Oh yeah, of course I knew
kissing you would make you wake up, baby!"
Cons: I feel like I succesfully addressed them in the pros section.

Well, now that I have succesfully attacked the Disney princes, I ask you to turn your attention to the new poll! I sort of lied when I said I was going to do a post before this one. That one needs some fine tuning and extra research, so like many-a-started posts, it's going in the drafting section. However, that made me think that I only need some encouragment to finish these un-loved posts. The new poll lets my small army of readers decide what my next post will be! I will probably eventually do all of them, but until then I want to know what YOU want.

The choices are as follows:

Historical Innacuracies in Disney Movies: Well, "historical" is pushing it. Most aren't based on history, but those that are or use historical references  will be ripped apart. No, not really. It's just good old fashioned fun. This also includes stories that are wrong (not fairytales, unless there is a very large difference). Probably for those who like to learn some new information or fun facts.

Movies I should like, but I don't: Don't confuse this for what I think are the "worst movies". No, this list is about movies that movie critics and family/friends say are great, yet I still manage not to like them. I'm scared for this list because it's like giving away a part of the deepest darkest depths of my soul. Pick this if you have ever wanted a legit reason to criticize me! Or, if you are curious about MY particular movie taste (those who liked My Favorite Movies of all Time or My Guitly Pleasure Movies will find this set up familiar).

Best Movie Music Montages: You know those parts in movies where instead of telling what happens, they show you without words through music? Like, when the main character wakes up and gets ready it plays a cheery song or during a training scene it plays an intense song? For example, the Rocky theme song when he is running and stuff, or in the Parent Trap with "Here comes the Sun"when twin number two is walking with her new found mum on the streets of London. The actors are not singing themselves, it's just music in the background known only to the viewer. Gettit? If this makes sense and sounds interesting, vote for it!

Most Annoying Movies Sequels: This one is not just going to be movie sequels that everyone knows are bad, but the ones that particularly touch a nerve with me. We all know the Bring it On sequels shouldn't have been made, but I still watch them because they are "so bad, they're good". No, these sequels are ones that have either ruined the first movie for me by being so bad and just...annoying. Passions will run deep with this one. If you like a good rant, vote for this.

No comments:

Post a Comment