July 31, 2011

Movie Review: Cowboys and Aliens

What to say about Cowboys and Aliens?

Well, I'm sure you already know what it's about and if not, it's quite simple. Pretty much, it's every single cliche from both genres combined into one giant clusterfuck of a movie cliche. Of course, it also has James Bond and Indiana Jones, so there's that.

Still want to see it? Still wondering hould you even spend the $10 to waste a good hour and a half on watching Aliens get their shit kicked with a laser cuff thing? Sure, it looked stupid to begin with but is it so bad it's good?

They need to manufacture that as a toy ASAP

HELL YES. Yeah, the movie was terrible...but it was also entertaining. You could tell nobody was really taking it seriously in the movie and in the audience. At certain points everyone would laugh because it was soooo campy. I don't know what you all expected but I got just what I paid for. A genre mash-up combining the best of both worlds.

You got the Aliens using earth as a resource and testing on humans. The memory loss. The mysterious person who knows more than they let on. The sweet, sweet technologically advanced weapons. The sacrifice at the end where shit blows up. Aliens. DUH. All this added together for a Sci-Fi alien movie.


You have the strong, quiet BAMF mysterious person (not the same person as above) who rides into town. The hard ass who is a total prick but then you see his soft erside. A couple shoot outs. Prostitutes. Whiskey. Horses. Outlaws. A perfect mix for your average western.

  "Sorry, I'm just here for a drink"
Actual line.

At one point, someone near me whispered "This is so stupid" yet what I think they really meant was "This movie is so stupid...I'm coming again tomorow". You roll your eyes and laugh out loud when you aren't supposed to BUT YOU LOVE IT. It's just so BAD. I even wonder now why I enjoyed it so much.

I will say though that Daniel Craig should do more westerns. He is just that kind of guy. He was so perfect. He needs to stop dicking around as James Bond and do some quality westerns. I would go and see him...because I love cowboys. However, I must that AGAIN romance gets in the way of awesomeness. Olivia Wilde was awesome and I have a girl crush on her, but I just got impatient when her and Daniel Craig had "moments". It just seemed unessacary and out of place, plus...


Yeah, I bet you didn't see that coming...but like I said, this movie is full of cliches. I'm sure you will be able to guess what happens. If you already were planning to see Cowboys and Aliens since last summer like I was, carry on my wayward son. If you were on the fence, go see it with your friends and laugh your ass off. If you thought it looked stupid to begin with...no, we all thought it looked stupid...uhm, if you thought it looked stupid and said something like "why would anyone see that movie?" then DON'T. We don't need your bullshit...we know it's a bad movie. Yet, I'm still probably going to see it again. It's pure blockbuster entertainment with some of Hollywood's finest having a good time.

Final Grade: C-

Coming Soon:

There were quite a few new trailers out that I haven't seen. MANY familiar faces and a lot of ensemble casts. Hmmm

In Time: Olivia Wilde is Justin Timberlakes mom?!?! WUT. Apparently, this movie is about people who don't age and pay with time? I don't know. It's probably going to be filled with plot holes. JT, please stop doing movies and make another album. I love you acting man, but I love your music more. Better yet, just host SNL every week.

Contagion: Gwyneth Paltrow, Matt Damon, the guy from CSI, Jude Law, Kate Winslet...HOLY SHIT. I probably am NOT going to see this because it's not my kind of movie but hot damn, what a cast. I <3 Jude.

Moneyball: I don't care what anyone says. I LOVE Brad Pitt. Not because he's good looking...I just think he's an awesome actor. He could go through life playing the same character over and over but he doesn't. He has some solid movies. Anyways, this is probably going to be another "sports" movie...urgh. Whatever.
Battleships: This movie is going to be awesome for one reason: The Liam Neeson golden rule. No matter how awful a movie looks, if he is in it, it's going to be badass. Even when the theatre starts laughing at the trailer...

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