July 9, 2011

10 Amusing/Ridiculous Movie Descriptions on Instant Netflix

Today, I was browsing around instant netflix for something new to watch. As I'm sure everyone who watches movies via instant knows, there are definitely some golden nuggets awaiting you. Super campy movies are a given, mostly because you get to watch these movies for free (or $9 a month, same difference). Even if you don't watch the movies, the description can be worth the browse. Whoever gets to write these things has a great job.

I have only seen two of these movies, so I'm just going off description here! I'm not saying anything about the movie itself. I'm sure many of these are fine movies indeed.

The Edge: "When their plane crashes in the Alaskan wilderness, fashion photographer Bob and intellectual businessman Charles must fight for their survival -- and the gigantic, ravenous bear chasing them is not helping matters."
You don't even have to watch it now!

Ok, I have seen this movie...the bear REALLY doesn't help matters, thanks for the warning instant netflix.  I don't know what is more horrifying. The bear eating that black guy from LostAlec Baldwin being a fashion photographer or that my mom gave this movie 4 stars. Yikes.

Yes it does Earl.
Sweet Karma: "When her sister Anna becomes a tragic casualty of Toronto's underground sex trade, mute Karma embarks on a vengeful quest from Russia to Canada to single-handedly bring down the lowlifes responsible for Anna's death."

Taken...but in Canada and with a mute playmate of the week...because hearing her talk would surely ruin the fantasy, eh? Hellen Keller jokes are welcome.

Rubber: "Quentin Dupieux directs this inventive twist on low-rent revenge flicks, which follows a car tire named Robert that rolls through the desert Southwest using its strange psychic powers to blow up birds, bunnies, human beings and more."  

Rubber 2: The Revenge of Michelin Man
I'm intrigued. First off, why Robert? Secondly, how many people can you actually kill in a southwest desert besides the guys from Ghost Adventures and the cast of The Hangover? Thirdly, is this supposed to be some deep personification or just an inanimite object blowing shit up? So many questions, I may just watch this movie.

Speed: "Finding out there's a bomb on your bus (which will explode if the driver goes slower than 50 miles per hour) is never a good thing -- but if your demolitions-expert-in-shining armor turns out to be Keanu Reeves, at least you'll have a fun ride."

I see he got off the bus...now the fun is over

 I like it. States the obvious and is straight to the point.

The Boy with Green Hair: "Before there was punk rock, there was The Boy with Green Hair! Dean Stockwell plays a boy (circa 1948) who wakes up one morning to find he's grown a nice shock of chartreuse-colored hair. The town doctor doesn't know what to do; the kids at school ostracize the poor boy; and the parents cry that it's contagious and claim there's something in the water and milk. What is the boy with green hair to do?"

If things don't look up, you can always move to Oz.

Can he not dye it back? Only in the Cold War period, I tell ya.

Burnt Money: "Set in 1965, Burnt Money tells the true story of Angel and Sam, gay lovers who turn to crime, bank robbery and murder, holding Argentina and Uruguay in suspense as they lead the authorities on a two-month-long manhunt."

I see where the title comes from

It's like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid...if they were gay lovers. Wait, they weren't?

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead: At loose ends, actor and playboy Julian Marsh accepts a gig directing a bizarre adaptation of "Hamlet" -- written by a spooky-looking Romanian playwright -- that transforms the bard's classic into a tale about vampires and finding the Holy Grail.      

Shakespeare was a vampire?
So much explained.

I'm confused. Is the description about the plot of the movie, or how the movie was made?

Rockula: After failing to save his lady love, Mona, from being killed by a pirate with a rhinestone peg leg brandishing a ham bone, vampire Ralph LaVie suffers from a curse forcing him to meet the reborn Mona and watch her die again every 22 years. Now he's determined to break the curse and finally have a life with the woman he loves. The rockin' soundtrack includes music from Bo Diddley and Toni Basil (who plays Ralph's mom).

I see a little hobbit blood in this one
I like how is last name means "the life"...they almost seem to be informing us that shit happens. Now, if this pirate was brandishing a ham bone, does that mean the "lady love" was pierced with said bone?And is Rockula supposed to reference a vampire who is a rock star? Aka, Keith Richards?

Cannibal! The Musical: "Featuring riotous tunes, crass humor and sight gags galore, this hilarious genre bender set in 1873 chronicles the tale of Alferd Packer -- the only American ever found guilty of cannibalism. With Packer at the helm, a party of gold prospectors gets stranded in the midst of a savage Rocky Mountain winter, and next thing you know, ribs and liver are on the menu."

When do they start eating people?
The things a production can get away with if it's a musical. I'm talking about you Spider-Man into the Dark. History and singing...my two favorite things.

The Hebrew Hammer: "This hilarious tribute to the Blaxploitation genre stars Adam Goldberg as Mordechai, an Orthodox Jewish "superhero detective" who joins the Jewish Justice League to stop the evil Damien, son of Santa, who aims to wipe out Hanukkah forever."

What could I possibly say?
This plot is very illogical. Why would the son of Santa plot to destroy Hanukkah? If anything, the son of the Hanukkah Armadillo would try to destory Christmas...because everyone knows Hanukkah is like the fat sister who eats too much bread (ironic?) of the holiday season. Also, how is a movie about Jewish superhero detectives a tribute to the Blaxploitation genre? Are they trying to butter up Kwanza now too?

I need a new poll. Any suggestions? Don't think I haven't forgotten about last weeks either! I just have been too lazy to do it.


1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHA this is hilarious. Ah, Keanu and his bus-antics. Thank you for finding all of these!

    Also, I was under the impression chartreuse was red....